Sometimes, we have the bitter feeling that people around us are doing everything to stop us from progressing. But what if that person is us?
Get used to it To spoil yourself, to show off With excessive perfectionism and constant belittling, you may be one of those self-destructive personalities.
“We recognize this perpetual ability to underestimate self-worth, our abilities, our skills, our abilities, what we give to others, how we appear to others. It’s a person’s self-image. A giant sponge of negativity, what they think of themselves and About what other people think of them”, begins. Aline Nativel Id Hammou, clinical psychologist.
Although the signals vary from person to person, these people are “very withdrawn and oblivious, or rather, so-called ‘loudmouths’: they always have criticisms and comments to make to others or to themselves. Whatever they do, it won’t be enough. They will do everything to prove themselves and prove to others that they don’t know how to do it”, continues the expert.
Childhood, trauma, personality: The emergence of forms of self-destruction
A self-sabotage, a symptom of deep-seated malaise, often dates back to childhood. “Self-destructive behavior can often be linked to feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness that develop in childhood. Some form of trauma or neglect can affect how we feel early in life, sometimes leading to the conclusion that we’re not ‘good enough,'” says Kim Lord, psychotherapist, to do Delightful.
The beginning of life is marked by the lack of consideration and appreciation of those around us, which pushes us to invalidate ourselves, confirmed Aline Nativel Id Hammou: “It can be connected to our life stories. For example, the truth In childhood, reference adults do not reward, reassure, or reassure About our different developmental stages, our skills and abilities. In fact, in everything related to the construction of narcissism”, he notes.
Although traumas (professional and romantic) can damage our self-esteem and make us internalize that we are unworthy or no longer worthy of happiness, these patterns can also come from the structure of our personality. “And we have developed certain characteristics, a kind of sensitivity, more or less increased, high demand on ourselves, demand on others and thus easy dissatisfaction”, notes the clinical psychologist.
Hypersensitivity: The plural and often misunderstood personality spectrum
Toxic behaviors to themselves and those around them
A self-sabotage is still sabotaging our own lives without even realizing it. Because “it’s hard to win when you’re against yourself,” warns psychology teacher Daniel Fox Psychology Today.
In addition to preventing us from progressing in our daily lives, “it can lead to depression, loss of motivation, deep bursts of sadness. But also for anxiety: we fear everything, showing, speaking, being. It can also lead to phobias,” warns the clinical psychologist.
Attitudes that are toxic to those around us. “When you encounter these types of personalities, you have a feeling of having to be constantly valued and encouraged. And this is a source of exhaustion and sometimes misunderstanding. Always supporting the other person and seeing nothing change despite your efforts gives you a feeling of powerlessness. . We can’t reassure and support as much as we would like, and finally let go of our love for this person.”, referring to Aline Nativel Id Hammou.
Therefore, it is vital to be there for individuals, rather than putting ourselves in situations that could harm us. Therefore, “Communication is important to try to understand what is going on without trying to ‘fix’ them or solve their problems. Sometimes the seed of change can be sown by simply listening and understanding”, the psychiatrist offers to the magazine.
How to get rid of self-destruction?
To break these self-destructive patterns, Why not start by practicing self-compassion ? For this, develop compassion, commitment and compassion towards yourself.
“The path to letting go of these behaviors is self-knowledge and a willingness to change. Balancing inner criticism with kinder and more helpful thoughts can encourage people to value themselves and realize they deserve a better life,” says Kim Lord. happily.
But still Self-compassion differs from self-confidence or self-esteem. “Most of us have a good friend in our lives who is unconditionally supportive. Self-compassion is learning to be that same loving, supportive friend to ourselves,” explains Christine. Neff, associate professor of psychology, want BBC. So, even if you fail a friend or family member, treat yourself as you would treat them.
And tell it to yourself If you are aware of your behavior, you have already taken a step forward. The last resort is to seek the help of a professional, as is the case all around. “You have to dare to take a psychologist’s step. There is a lot of narcissistic work to be done. Also, we need to be with the other person and realize that his view is not necessarily negative towards us and that we have the right to exist despite our shortcomings,” concludes the psychologist.
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